Helping Kids Stick with Hard Things: How to Grow Grit in Kids (without pushing too hard)

When my kids were in elementary school, I would occasionally join them at their lunch table. Sometimes I’d bring along Rebus puzzles, and before long, their whole table would be working together to solve them.

If you’re not familiar, a rebus puzzle is a word-picture riddle, where words or symbols are arranged to represent a common phrase.

For example,

Head

Heels

Can you guess the phrase?

If they didn’t get it right away, I might offer a small hint. Just enough to nudge them forward: What’s on top? What’s over the other?

Or this one

EGG EGG

Ham

At first, these puzzles were particularly challenging. The kids were used to words being part of a story or directions, not something to decode and wrestle with. And here’s what stood out: they didn’t always want hints. In fact, if I stepped in too soon, I’d often hear, “Don’t tell us yet!”

These young detectives loved the challenge.

Was it sometimes frustrating? Yes.

Did they often get it wrong? Absolutely.

Did they believe they could figure it out if they kept trying? Most of the time, yes.

What started as a game between a few kids quickly spread to a whole table of boys leaning in, thinking hard, and working together. Sometimes kids from other tables would wander over to join in.

It looked like a simple game, but something important was happening.

They weren’t giving up at the first sign of difficulty. They weren’t avoiding the challenge. They were sticking with it, thinking, trying, failing, and trying again. They wanted to figure it out.

Little by little, they were building perseverance, confidence, and the beginnings of grit.

Not every child joined in every time. It wasn’t everyone’s “thing.” But for many of them, it became something they looked forward to, something that stretched them in ways they didn’t even realize.

And that matters more than we sometimes think.

Because, as any seasoned teacher or coach will tell you, intelligence and natural ability aren’t the only things that determine success.

They’ve seen it again and again:

Kids of average ability who thrive because they keep going, and highly capable kids who underachieve, not because they can’t do the work, but because they avoid it, give up quickly, or simply don’t put in the effort.

So what really makes the difference?

That’s where grit comes in.

Years ago, psychologist Angela Duckworth noticed this same pattern while teaching middle school math. She wondered why effort so often seemed to matter more than natural ability.

That question led to years of research studying high-achieving children and adults. What she identified was a common trait she called grit.

Grit is the combination of passion and perseverance towards long-term goals. It’s the ability and desire to stay committed over time, even when things get difficult.

Duckworth found that people with grit tend to achieve more, not just academically, but in life. They are more likely to follow through, perform well under pressure, and reach meaningful goals. Grit often predicts success more than IQ or natural ability.

So what does grit actually look like in kids?

Children with grit tend to:

Step outside their comfort zone and take on challenges

Keep going when things are hard

Bounce back from setbacks and see mistakes as part of learning

Stay hopeful and believe their effort will lead to improvement

Work steadily, consistently, and stay committed over time

Grit is more than resilience. It’s resilience plus sustained passion, caring about something enough to keep working at it.

And even if our priority isn’t to raise “high achievers,” most of us would agree we don’t want the opposite either.

We don’t want kids who give up easily, avoid challenges, or rarely follow through. We’ve all seen what that looks like: a child who quits at the first sign of difficulty or avoids trying altogether for fear of failure.

Instead, most of us want children who are willing to try, to stick with things, to grow through challenges, and to find their passion.

So where does that kind of grit come from?

One of the strongest foundations of grit is something called a Growth Mindset: the belief that abilities and intelligence can be developed through effort.

When kids believe they can improve, they’re much more likely to keep going when things get hard.

In a previous post, Nurturing a Growth Mindset in Children, I shared practical ways to build this belief.

Growth Mindset and grit work hand in hand. A child who believes “I can get better” is much more likely to put in the effort, stay with a challenge, and keep going despite setbacks.

Many parents are already fostering this in everyday ways, often without even realizing it. Encouraging effort, normalizing mistakes, and reminding kids they’re still learning (you don’t have it “yet”) all help build this mindset.

These same practices also lay the groundwork for grit.

In addition, there are some simple, practical ways we can continue to nurture grit in our kids:

·Balance warmth with high expectations. Kids thrive in this type of environment, one where they feel loved, supported, and are expected to put in the effort.

·Create a family culture around effort. ( “We do hard things”)

·Offer the right level of challenge – support without taking over

·Help kids discover interests (passion fuels perseverance)

·Offer the right level of challenge. Like the lunch table puzzles, give just enough support to help them grow, but not so much that you take over.

·Encourage persistence -- Stick with things a little longer.

·Break big goals into small steps.

·Praise effort, strategy, and progress.

·Normalize struggle – don’t rush in to fix

·Reframe failure as part of learning

·Teach commitment, with flexibility

·Model grit in your own life

·Share stories (books/films) that highlight grit and growth

As you read through this list, you may notice something important: you’re probably already doing many of these things.

That matters.

Grit doesn’t come from one big moment or a perfect parenting strategy. It grows over time through small, consistent experiences, like a puzzle at a lunch table, a hard homework assignment, or sticking with something just a little longer than feels comfortable.

Why does grit matter so much?

In the short term, it helps kids handle frustration, stay engaged, and build confidence as they experience success through effort.

In the long run, it prepares them for real life, where challenges are inevitable, and success often depends on perseverance more than talent.

Grit helps children become adults who don’t give up easily, who can navigate setbacks, and who continue pursuing what matters to them.

A final encouragement.

You don’t have to overhaul your parenting or do everything on the list.

Instead, choose one thing.

Maybe it’s letting your child struggle a little longer before stepping in.

Maybe it’s changing what you notice and encouraging effort instead of focusing only on outcomes.

Maybe it’s helping them explore goals they care about.

Maybe it’s introducing simple challenges like those lunch table puzzles.

Small shifts like these can have a lasting impact.

Every time a child sticks with something hard, tries again, and chooses effort over ease, they are building something that will serve them for a lifetime, grit.