School shootings are events that deeply unsettle us—heartbreaking, senseless, and utterly horrifying. Even if we aren’t directly involved, we share in the collective pain of these tragedies. The shock of hearing that a child has unleashed violence on fellow students and teachers can leave us feeling distressed, even from afar. This emotional turmoil, known as vicarious trauma or secondary traumatic stress, is a normal reaction to witnessing or hearing about such disturbing events. For those who live near the site of a shooting, the distress can be even more personal—whether it’s a school lockdown affecting a friend's child, or simply feeling the weight of the tragedy rippling through your community.

In times like these, school counselors, therapists, and mental health professionals become invaluable lifelines, offering support and guidance to those grappling with the impact of such trauma. In response to a recent school shooting that hit close to my own circle of friends and family, I felt compelled to share some ways we can help our families cope during these difficult times.

>  Maintain Normalcy Through Routines: Routine provides a sense of security and stability, especially for children. As much as possible, try to keep your family’s daily routines intact. Predictability can be comforting in times of uncertainty and upheaval.

> Manage Your Stress: Your children look to you for cues on how to respond to stressful situations. Managing your own stress and maintaining a calm demeanor can help you better support your kids. By setting a positive example, you can also teach your children valuable coping strategies.

> Lean on Your Support Network: In challenging times, it’s crucial to connect with loved ones—both within and outside your immediate household. A strong, supportive network can provide comfort, whether it’s through sharing a meal, talking things through, or simply being present for one another.

> Talk About It Openly: Open, honest conversations are key. Share information with your children in a way that’s appropriate for their age and maturity level, and make sure to listen to their feelings and concerns. It’s okay for them to feel scared, sad, or confused; validating these emotions can help them feel heard and supported.

> Limit Media Exposure: While it’s important to stay informed, spending too much time watching the news or scrolling through social media can amplify stress and anxiety for both you and your children. Research shows that repeated exposure to traumatic images and stories can increase distress, so it might be best to set limits on screen time and focus on activities that foster calm and connection.

> Find Calming Activities: Simple breathing exercises and distractions, even if brief, can help ease anxiety.

>  Draw Strength from Faith: Tragedies can lead some to question their faith, while others may experience a strengthening of their belief in a higher power. Faith can be an incredible source of emotional comfort, support, and peace amidst the chaos. Whether through prayer, attending services, leaning on spiritual communities, or connecting with your higher power, your faith can offer a sense of hope and resilience. Encourage your family to explore or lean into their beliefs as a way to find solace and strength in difficult moments.

> Help them Feel Safe Again: Assure your children that you, along with other adults, are dedicated to keeping them safe. Focus on small, manageable actions within your control, like participating in community safety efforts, which can help keep them safe and rebuild their sense of security.

In the aftermath of a school shooting, it’s natural to feel overwhelmed by fear and uncertainty. But by leaning into routines, managing our own stress, connecting with support networks, talking openly, limiting media exposure, finding calming activities, drawing strength from faith, and helping them feel safe again, we can help our families navigate this difficult time. It’s not about having all the answers, but about showing up with love, patience, and support. Let’s help our families get through this together, one step at a time. one step at a time.