Hi Grown-ups,

If you’re wondering how to help kids like me when we are feeling anxious or overwhelmed, here are some things that really help .

• ·        Make time to talk (even if we don’t start the conversation).  Sometimes we want to talk but we’re not sure how to bring it up.  You could ask stuff like, “ What have you been thinking about lately?” or just hang out with us while we are walking Spot or driving somewhere.  Talking is easier when there is not too much pressure.

• ·        Let us feel what we feel.  Please don’t tell us “You’re fine” or “Just don’t worry about it.”  We might know it’ll be ok later, but in the moment, it still feels hard.  Just saying, “That sounds rough”, or “You’re embarrassed about that”, or giving us a hug can help more than you think.

• ·        Help us figure out the feeling.  Sometimes we don’t even know what we’re feeling until someone helps us name it. Saying things like “You see a little overwhelmed—does that sound right?” makes it less confusing and scary.

• ·        Please just listen first.  We don’t always need you to fix things. Sometimes we just need to say it out loud and know that you’re hearing us.  That makes a huge difference.

• ·        Help us take it one step at a time.  If something feels too big – like talking in front of the class or making a new friend – it’s great when you help us break it into smaller steps.  Live, first making a plan, then practicing, then trying it out.

• ·        Practice with us.  It helps when you pretend with us – like practicing what to say to a teacher or how to ask someone to play.  It feels safer to try it at home first.  Then we feel more ready to do it for real.

• ·        Celebrate our trying. Even if we don’t totally crush it, please notice when we try.  Tell us that you saw us working hard or “You seem really proud about that.” That feels better than just focusing on whether it went perfectly.

• ·        Ask about good stuff too.  Sometimes just talking about something funny that happened at lunch or three things we’re thankful for can help us feel better.  It reminds us that there’s good stuff going on, even when we’re stressed.

• ·        Share your own struggles and strategies. It helps to know you’ve felt nervous too – like before a big meeting or when you had to speak in front of people. It makes us feel less weird and normal. And share with us some things that work for you when you are nervous.

• ·        Teach us calming tricks.  Things like belly breathing (where your tummy goes out when you breathe in) can really calm our brains down. Or try the 3-3-3 trick: look around and name 3 things you see, 3 things you hear, and move 3 parts of your body.

• ·        Let us be creative. Drawing, dancing, writing, music – these aren’t just fun. They help us let feelings out in ways we can’t always say with words.

• ·        Help us take care of the basics. When we don’t sleep well or skip breakfast or just sit around too much, we feel worse.  Remind us (nicely) to do the basics – even if we act like we don’t want to.

• ·        Be close.  Sometimes all we need is a cozy blanket and a quiet “I’m here” or a back rug or a hug. It doesn’t fix everything, but it helps a lot.

• ·        Know when to get extra help.  If it feels like too  much – like we’re not sleeping, not eating, avoiding things, or can’t do stuff we usually do – it’s okay to talk to a doctor or counselor.  It doesn’t mean something is wrong with us, it means we are getting the support we need.

Just remember:  We don’t need you to fix everything. We need you to be with us while we figure things out. When you walk beside us, we start to believe we can do hard things. And that kind of bravery sticks with us.